pondering Christmas...

I stopped by Chrismas Change this morning... and it got me to thinking. We Christians are always looking for better ways to celebrate Christmas.   Ways to be intentional about it.  Ways to try and deepen or broaden  our experience of it. We want a way to "do Christmas"that won't leave us empty  after all the presents have been opened, the celebrations and gatherings have occurred and the anticipation is over. 

But I wonder if we can experience a perfect Advent and Christmas celebration, this side of heaven. Because as i see it, God gave us his very best, gift, His one and only Son. And when that miracle occurred in history, most of the world scratched their heads, looked at the baby and thought," Is this it?" What I mean is, we don't get it. We think we know what God did, but we really only know in part and see in part. We don't understand what really happened when Jesus stepped out of eternity and into earth's history.

 The God head planned the very first Christmas, every last detail was intentional, meaningful, purposeful and who could plan or prepare better than they?  But think about it:

Mary was told she was chosen to be the mother of the Messiah and then life got really messy.  She got pregnant out of wedlock, almost lost her husband to be and had her baby all by herself far away from her family. And then ran away from Roman soldiers trying to kill that baby.

Joseph didn't get his wedding celebration, but an already pregnant wife and an unexpected trip to Bethlehem and then Egypt.

The wise men looked for a royal baby prince and instead found a pauper child in a barn.

Who really celebrated the birth of Jesus with a yes! this is it! Perhaps Anna and Simeon.But most of the world experienced a let down.

So I think that He gave us that as part of it--the let-down I mean.  To whet our appetite, to remind us that one day, when we are all together, we will celebrate and there will be no regrets, no"is that all there is?"

Does this mean I am going to quit looking for ways to add joy to Christmas time. No Way! Never! Nor do I think that He wants us to stop trying to expand our understanding and celebration. He gives us those longings and deeply enjoys all the ways we go about pursuing Him. But this year, when I get those Post Christmas blahs or blues, I will stop and say Thank you because I now know that the let down is a gift as well--a hunger pang for heaven's perfect party.

 

Giving and receiving

My receiver is broken.  Oh,I don't mean the one made of wires and plastic.  I mean the one inside of me. I have discovered( more like God revealed) that I have a really hard time graciously and truly receiving gifts. Oh, I can be thankful for things. I can write a thank you note for just about anything--even if I have already thrown the darn thing away. But that is nowhere close to receiving  the gift.

One who really and truly receives allows the giver the pleasure-- the joy of giving. If I don't receive things really and truly; if I don't let them into my being then I am denying  my gift giver this blessing.( Am I really hoarding this  to myself? )

The other thing I had my eyes opened to ..this  failure...it's a matter of pride. Ah pride...My most common nemesis.  And here,  the Lord lovingly shows me  this in very clear terms. Not receiving gifts into my heart, into my life, means I think that I am too good for the gift, telling the giver that its a shabby worthless gift and shuts them out.... Perhaps even to rejecting the Son of God, for scripture says,"He came to his own, and His own did not receive Him.  But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God." John 1:11&12

I don't want to be like that. So I have some learning to do. When God shows me something it means that He is planning to work on it.  Yesterday I didn't know that I had a broken receiver, but today I do and that changes things already. 

Morning Conversation

Yesterday was a rough day. Relationships can be fragile sometimes and amazingly strong at others. I saw both yesterday. Today I sat in a quiet moment, listening, hoping to hear His voice, wondering a bit anxiously what He might say to me in the after math. Here is our conversation.

Rain down Holy Spirit
Wash away guilt and shame
Rain down Holy Spirit
Remove tendancy to blame

Speak truth in love
and do not fail
Listen and learn
Life will prevail

Drink deeply now of
my new wine....
of life, of hope.
of love divine.
Be filled with the Spirit
And laugh and sing
Be filled with the Spirit
His praises now bring
Be filled with the Spirit
You serve a good King.

*A disclaimer: God is infinitely more creative than my feeble attempts to put things into words. I view these offerings as little ditties-- things that spring up in me and hopefully will prime the pump of my creative expression.... Just a different form of my random thoughts..

While the Master was gone...

I recently read a devotional based on the parable of the talents out of Matthew 25. It was an encouragement to use what God has given us. Not a new idea to me, or you either probably. No, I get that. God wants us to use what He has given us. Pretty basic. No what caught me was these words: "While the master was gone.."(Matthew 25:16 emphasis mine.)

I realized in a new way that the master wasn't around. He was outta there. And yet...2 of the servants took what he had given them, thought about who he was and went to work using the talents they had received. But the master was gone. He didn't encourage them or check in on them. He simply let them be. Let them do. Let them try things out. I'm guessing that some of their efforts failed and didn't turn out like they hoped. Maybe they invested in something that produced nothing. The point is both of these servants eventually doubled what was given to them. And they did it while the master was away.

Sometimes I feel like God calls to me and gives me something and then walks away and I am left holding it, wondering what to do. The scripture doesn't say that the Master took each servant aside and gave him detailed instructions, a step by step process. It simply says that he gave his goods to them, each according to their abilities.

And so I realized that feeling like God has disappeared is not an excuse for hiding away my talent(s) I got honest with God and told him that I didn't like feeling like he was gone, but I knew I was wrong for putting things on hold. And I repented . I thought He was holding out on me, but really I was holding out on Him.

I have been thinking a lot about writing this summer. My writing to be precise.Last spring I finally opened up and shared with one of the gals at my school that I was working on a book, had been dabbling at it for 10 years or more. This woman is also a writer and she is actively pursuing her craft. She took some pages and said she'd read them. She encouraged me, she has invited me to attend one of her writing support groups. Unbeknownst to her , she is actually the one who galvanized me into beginning this blog.

And as I explored these ideas I will confess... I think God gave me a talent for writing and then left on a journey. But I have been more like the last servant--hiding it in the ground because I was afraid.My husband has chastised me lovingly for a long time about it. This summer, this quiet summer I have slowly but regularly worked on the book, trying hard to finish a major section before school starts and quiet is replaced by much activity. Will I finish it? I don't know, but I am working on it, no longer hiding it away. Hopeful that when the Master returns He will say "Well done"

The conversion

Seedlings in Stone issued a poetry prompt that inspired me. Here is my contribution;
The Conversion

"I want a porch!"
I told the builder
"Can't do it." he replied.

"I want a porch!
I told my husband
"What do you mean?" he asked.

I want a place to sit outside
to see the trees,
to feel the breeze,
to read, to pray
to meditate.

I want an outside space
attached to the house
to sit,
to snuggle
to decorate.

"Well," he said.
"We can't add a porch
to this houseplan.
How bout a deck instead?"

If I can
sit in the sun
as the day's begun
And talk on the phone
with room to roam
Or observe the light
when day turns to night
I think a deck will do.

"We've added a deck!"
I told my mother.
"How lovely for you!
she exclaimed.

"I love my deck!"
I told my husband.
He nodded and said.
"I know."

God and BHG

Today I decided to chronicle an unusual journey, part of what has happened to to me during the last week. God spoke to me through the pages of Better Homes and Gardens. I have been reading BHG for years. I remember it sitting on my Mom's coffee table when I was a little girl. Sometimes when I was bored I would pick it up and look at it, but it wasn't very interesting to me. Usually I read her Good Housekeeping magazine instead. Flash forward a number of years. I think it was about the time we built our own house and became owners instead of renters, that my Mom began sending me my own subscription to BHG. Now I enjoy it. Mom died several years ago and now I subscribe on my own, mostly because I like the magazine , but partly its a connection to my Mom.

Anyway, last week I was thumbing through the pages of a BHG and I read an article where the simplemom blog was mentioned as a help to organizing your life. Sometime later I went online to check it out. I am always looking for tips in that area. I was very surprised to find that Simplemom is a Christian! I loved her site. I clicked on lots of links and especially the new (in)courage site.

This was truly a God send- a gift from the Father. I've been asking Him for more friends cause I've been a bit lonely this summer. My two closest friends locally (co-workers at my preschool) have both been busy this summer. One has been planning a wedding, in charge of the VBS program and fill-in help at the church office until they hired a new secretary. She's barely had time to catch her breath all summer long. The other gal has seen her Mom suffer through 2 strokes and moved into Hospice care. Her free time is spent at her Mom's house. So we haven't had our coffee times. And I miss them.

I mentioned yesterday that its been a quiet summer. I know that He designed it that way. I see His hand at work. It's been quiet too for Natalie, my soon to be sophomore in college daughter who came home for the summer to work. And so the Father has given us lots of time together--we've gone lap swimming and walking and bike riding together. We've gone to Women's Bible Study and watched a lot of movies together. What a treasure that has been! I am thankful for every minute of it. But it won't be long now and she'll be back at school. So while I rejoice in the strengthening and maturing of my relationship with Natalie, I still ask for more-- typical human that I am.

And now each day I click through sites, and read scraps of blogs. I have found a plethora of women online blogging about life, love, faith. Coffee lovers, writers, God seekers, Moms, wives, teachers. I am so excited about them. I found people I relate to, stories that encourage me, and inspire me . And when I am quiet and listening...I hear the Father chuckling softly and I cry. He loves me so much.

"Every good gift and perfect gift comes is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights.." James 1:17

Savor the Summer

Summer is drawing to a close. I hate that the whole month of August seems like Sunday to me. It's still part of the weekend, but you know its almost over. I have almost 2 full weeks before I go back to work, yet its there..hanging in the background urging me to remember that summer is almost over,trying to keep me from embracing and enjoying each day. So I fight it off by trying to ignore that upcoming event.

One thing that helps is the fact that my older daughter is coming home this weekend for a whole week! Yay! We will hang out and try to do some fun things. Now that she is 21 we can go wine tasting together. Another plus is that my younger daughter doesn't leave for school until the middle of September, that some how makes summer seems longer to me.

And I have had a good summer. It's been quiet, not a lot of hustle and bustle, but I needed that. God knew I did. And I have spent a lot of time with Him. I mentioned to some friends earlier in the summer that I often look to the summer as a time of spiritual renewal. I have worked at that this summer. I purposely engaged in some spiritual disciplines this summer--and the one noticeable result for me is that I feel a little bit more in tune. I don't think that I have made great spiritual strides or had any great revelations this summer,but I'm listening for His voice and hearing it more often.

The scripture verse that seems to capture the essence of my time: Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." My quiet summer has truly given me many opportunities to be still and to know . That I can savor for the rest of this summer and all year long.