The Selfish Rosebush

Its amazing how self centered, selfish one can be with out even realizing it. No wonder Jesus tells us we need to die to our self daily. I think that self part of me wakes up before the rest of me does sometimes. I remember , when I first got married thinking that I had no idea how selfish I was. I was so used to being in charge of my life and stuff that to begin to constantly take another person's concerns, needs, and wants in to consideration about everything was a huge challenge. And of course, my needs were more important than his because they were mine. So silly. But we labored at it and found our way to a give and take that worked for us.

Except for I don't know if anything has changed in me. So many days I still feel the same way, my needs are the important ones here, not anybody else's. When my kids were little I didn't concern myself so much with my needs. What I wanted to to make sure that the kids were well taken care of. So when I did that I got what I wanted and so did they. Now I don't have four kids wanting things. I only have one living at home and he's pretty self sufficient. Food and laundry is about all he needs from me, and sometimes not even the food part of it...

I see a progression here and its not good. I think that I have succummed to a wrong way of thinking. It goes like this...When we first got married it was all about him and building a good marriage. Then I got pretty good at that( or so I thought). Next we had kids and it was all about taking care of the kids and I got pretty good at that too. Now with one pretty self sufficient kid at home its time for me and all of the things I sacrificed to get here. Or so I realized that I have been thinking.And unfortunately I'm pretty good at this me first stuff.

Now God's been talking to me about this for a while..pointing out my growing meism. And I have been acknowledging that He's right, but not really doing much about it, because it's my time doncha see!

Roses have been symbolic to me for a long time. They are a constant source of His teaching me--my personal parable if you will. Some time a rosebush will produce a branch that is thick and vigorous and full of leaves. But it never flowers. It just drains life from the other branches. These branches need to be pruned all the way down to the root.There is very little fruit in my life right now. And the gardener is coming. He's got his clippers out and I know that a lot of branches that I have been feeding are going to get pruned right off. So I might be kind of scraggley looking for a while, but He knows just how to get beautiful roses out of my life.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away: and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit(roses! ) John 15:2

Basketball blues

You wanna know something difficult to do? Be a classy sports fan .Sounds almost like an oxy moron right? What does a classy fan look like? Well... You root for your team. Support the kids and encourage them. Recognize when they make a good play.I think that good fans can help make the game fun for the players A classy fan is positive,has self control and perspective It's the kind of fan I want to be.

Why is it so hard to be a classy fan? One area where I often struggle is reacting to the refereeing. Many of the calls a ref makes are subjective and often a call really impacts the flow of the game. For example, in last night's game my team got called on three offensive fouls as different players drove hard to the basket. Each time, the shot went in but the basket was waved off. None of those boys drove hard to the basket like that again during the game. Were they offensive fouls? I didn't think so . It felt so unfair. What is the best response to something like that? Yelling at the ref might momentarily make me feel better, but its not what I want to be know for.

Another difficulty..some teams just get my goat before they even take a shot. I don't know what it is but the attitude or spirit that emanates from some teams is classless. Everything feels "in your face". Our school plays this one team where some of the visiting parents sit in the home team section. What's up with that? It feels antagonistic to me. It's hard not to get drawn down to a lesser way of cheering, and to start rooting against the other team and the other parents. To tease and to taunt. But I don't really want to be that kind of fan.

It's funny to me how much God uses sports events to mould and shape my character even when I am only a fan. I am convinced that 99.99% of the time the Lord is completely unconcerned with who wins and loses. That He is hands off and allows things to unfold according to all the choices each person playing or reffing has made. So whether my team wins or loses He uses that in me for my good, honing and shaping me more into the image of Jesus. And when I step away from the sporting events and look at my life, what I really want is to be pleasing to God, to be a sweet smelling aroma.

Now that's an oxymoron--what I really want is to to give up what I want and do whatever pleases Him

"Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us , and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..."Hebrews 12: 1b