The Selfish Rosebush

Its amazing how self centered, selfish one can be with out even realizing it. No wonder Jesus tells us we need to die to our self daily. I think that self part of me wakes up before the rest of me does sometimes. I remember , when I first got married thinking that I had no idea how selfish I was. I was so used to being in charge of my life and stuff that to begin to constantly take another person's concerns, needs, and wants in to consideration about everything was a huge challenge. And of course, my needs were more important than his because they were mine. So silly. But we labored at it and found our way to a give and take that worked for us.

Except for I don't know if anything has changed in me. So many days I still feel the same way, my needs are the important ones here, not anybody else's. When my kids were little I didn't concern myself so much with my needs. What I wanted to to make sure that the kids were well taken care of. So when I did that I got what I wanted and so did they. Now I don't have four kids wanting things. I only have one living at home and he's pretty self sufficient. Food and laundry is about all he needs from me, and sometimes not even the food part of it...

I see a progression here and its not good. I think that I have succummed to a wrong way of thinking. It goes like this...When we first got married it was all about him and building a good marriage. Then I got pretty good at that( or so I thought). Next we had kids and it was all about taking care of the kids and I got pretty good at that too. Now with one pretty self sufficient kid at home its time for me and all of the things I sacrificed to get here. Or so I realized that I have been thinking.And unfortunately I'm pretty good at this me first stuff.

Now God's been talking to me about this for a while..pointing out my growing meism. And I have been acknowledging that He's right, but not really doing much about it, because it's my time doncha see!

Roses have been symbolic to me for a long time. They are a constant source of His teaching me--my personal parable if you will. Some time a rosebush will produce a branch that is thick and vigorous and full of leaves. But it never flowers. It just drains life from the other branches. These branches need to be pruned all the way down to the root.There is very little fruit in my life right now. And the gardener is coming. He's got his clippers out and I know that a lot of branches that I have been feeding are going to get pruned right off. So I might be kind of scraggley looking for a while, but He knows just how to get beautiful roses out of my life.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away: and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit(roses! ) John 15:2