The Selfish Rosebush

Its amazing how self centered, selfish one can be with out even realizing it. No wonder Jesus tells us we need to die to our self daily. I think that self part of me wakes up before the rest of me does sometimes. I remember , when I first got married thinking that I had no idea how selfish I was. I was so used to being in charge of my life and stuff that to begin to constantly take another person's concerns, needs, and wants in to consideration about everything was a huge challenge. And of course, my needs were more important than his because they were mine. So silly. But we labored at it and found our way to a give and take that worked for us.

Except for I don't know if anything has changed in me. So many days I still feel the same way, my needs are the important ones here, not anybody else's. When my kids were little I didn't concern myself so much with my needs. What I wanted to to make sure that the kids were well taken care of. So when I did that I got what I wanted and so did they. Now I don't have four kids wanting things. I only have one living at home and he's pretty self sufficient. Food and laundry is about all he needs from me, and sometimes not even the food part of it...

I see a progression here and its not good. I think that I have succummed to a wrong way of thinking. It goes like this...When we first got married it was all about him and building a good marriage. Then I got pretty good at that( or so I thought). Next we had kids and it was all about taking care of the kids and I got pretty good at that too. Now with one pretty self sufficient kid at home its time for me and all of the things I sacrificed to get here. Or so I realized that I have been thinking.And unfortunately I'm pretty good at this me first stuff.

Now God's been talking to me about this for a while..pointing out my growing meism. And I have been acknowledging that He's right, but not really doing much about it, because it's my time doncha see!

Roses have been symbolic to me for a long time. They are a constant source of His teaching me--my personal parable if you will. Some time a rosebush will produce a branch that is thick and vigorous and full of leaves. But it never flowers. It just drains life from the other branches. These branches need to be pruned all the way down to the root.There is very little fruit in my life right now. And the gardener is coming. He's got his clippers out and I know that a lot of branches that I have been feeding are going to get pruned right off. So I might be kind of scraggley looking for a while, but He knows just how to get beautiful roses out of my life.

Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away: and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit(roses! ) John 15:2

Basketball blues

You wanna know something difficult to do? Be a classy sports fan .Sounds almost like an oxy moron right? What does a classy fan look like? Well... You root for your team. Support the kids and encourage them. Recognize when they make a good play.I think that good fans can help make the game fun for the players A classy fan is positive,has self control and perspective It's the kind of fan I want to be.

Why is it so hard to be a classy fan? One area where I often struggle is reacting to the refereeing. Many of the calls a ref makes are subjective and often a call really impacts the flow of the game. For example, in last night's game my team got called on three offensive fouls as different players drove hard to the basket. Each time, the shot went in but the basket was waved off. None of those boys drove hard to the basket like that again during the game. Were they offensive fouls? I didn't think so . It felt so unfair. What is the best response to something like that? Yelling at the ref might momentarily make me feel better, but its not what I want to be know for.

Another difficulty..some teams just get my goat before they even take a shot. I don't know what it is but the attitude or spirit that emanates from some teams is classless. Everything feels "in your face". Our school plays this one team where some of the visiting parents sit in the home team section. What's up with that? It feels antagonistic to me. It's hard not to get drawn down to a lesser way of cheering, and to start rooting against the other team and the other parents. To tease and to taunt. But I don't really want to be that kind of fan.

It's funny to me how much God uses sports events to mould and shape my character even when I am only a fan. I am convinced that 99.99% of the time the Lord is completely unconcerned with who wins and loses. That He is hands off and allows things to unfold according to all the choices each person playing or reffing has made. So whether my team wins or loses He uses that in me for my good, honing and shaping me more into the image of Jesus. And when I step away from the sporting events and look at my life, what I really want is to be pleasing to God, to be a sweet smelling aroma.

Now that's an oxymoron--what I really want is to to give up what I want and do whatever pleases Him

"Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us , and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..."Hebrews 12: 1b

Christmas reflections: part 1

So today I am finally taking down the Christmas tree. Undecorating it. Sometimes I'm in more of a hurry to do it than other times. I like to work on it while something else is going on too, like during bowl season when football games are on. But this year since its late, its just me, doing it it little by little. This year's tree was a really pretty one, beautifully proportioned, wonderfully decorated, shapely, colorful. We loved it. Everyone in the family commented on how perfect it was.Yet, it is time for it to go. I don't mind taking it down. I think that I am better at doing that--getting the boxes out,putting things away and packing up, than I am at decorating. I have been enjoying finding the pieces that the boxes tell me they need, thinking back to when and where we got this or that ornament. Reflecting, reminising and tidying up. It's very satisfying.
I have good memories of this Christmas. and I'm ok with moving on. We worked hard to make it a joyful time of celebration, family and friends.Was it a perfect Christmas? No, the snow and ice made things difficult and cut into our time together. But we were together, all of us. We were all healthly, had plenty to eat, and a warm house. And we are all richer because of it. I don't mean monetarily, or with stuff, even though we all got lots of stuff. Being together, celebrating together, enlarged us, changed us, and sometimes cut us as tempers flaired and arguements ensued.
No, not a perfect Christmas, but the one God gave us. The one He hand picked for us to have. I know that lots of Christians make a big deal about how the best gift ever given was Jesus. I agree with that. Jesus is a gift like no other. but it seems like sometimes we gyp ourselves and others by thinking that it was a one time deal and the only gift. God is a gift giver. All the time. He thinks about what is good for us and then goes and gives it to us. A lot of the time we miss it. I know that I certainly do, or I revile and reject the gift because it's not what I wanted.But God gives us Christmas every year, an excuse to celebrate. I can't think of any other religion where the adherents are commanded to have parties, to sing and dance and rejoice. And even as I take down the tree, I know that Christmas will come again, very soon. And I will have another opportunity to remember the nativity story, to sing the carols, to shop for gifts and decorations and celebrate all over again.

Christmas expectations: snow bound!

Its snowing outside today. Again. Or perhaps a better comment would be, still. It has snowed everyday for the past 9 days and its deep out there. People here are tired of it. Even my kids, who were thrilled at first, just want it to stop and go away. It's messing with everyone's plans. Western Oregon does not expect this much snow--a snow day here and there sure okay but over a foot and its still snowing. Give us a break. And yet, it keeps snowing.

I didn't expect snow like this.It has changed my days and plans for Christmas shopping, caroling and church services. It has greatly increased the hours and stresses of my husband job. For the first time in years he won't be taking one of our kids on a personal shopping trip. It will affect our family's big Christmas Eve dinner and probably the number of presents under the tree. I don't believe in a weather god or a snow god or goddess or even mother nature. I don't believe in global warming either. I believe in the one true God who has the keys for the treasury of snow (Job 38: 7). So I think, God is up to something. Of course He is always at work in our lives, but what's the deal with this snow Lord?

And I've got a couple of thoughts. One is about family. The snow has forced us to be in the house together more than I think we would have been. Even with the snow, the kids still make plans and go out every day, just not as many or as easily. I think that God is giving us the opportunity to be together more, to build our family ties and to learn to love each other better. Tempers flare, but there's no place to hide so we have to work through it and come out stronger. there is time to talk about plans and hopes and dreams. We have to work together more. We've dug out the driveway and decorated the house and made candy together. Its been the perfect opportunity to strengthen the bonds of love. I hope and expect to be together next year, but since I don't know what the future holds I will savor this time of ( forced) togetherness.

In spite of all the ways the snow has changed my expectations of this holiday season, I see the Hand of the Lord at work. The snow is the wrapping paper for gifts He has hidden. Even though it wasn't what I wanted or expected I hope that I have the eyes to see it and the heart to receive it.

Christmas Lights: Christmas Tree lights

My favorite kind of lights at Christmas time are those on a Christmas tree. I find this kind of light enchanting. I love to sit and look at our tree especially early in the morning. I will turn the tree lights on and nothing else and then sit and look at it. I did it as a kid too. From about 5th grade on through high school I was usually the first one up at my house because I practiced the piano before I went to school. During Christmas time I can remember getting up and turning on the tree lights and spending most of my practice time just gazing at the tree and the lights. I love the soft , warm glow they give off and the way the ornaments sparkle and shine. It's a beautiful, appealling light constantly drawing my eyes towards it.

We put our tree up right next to a big picture window. While the tree is up, we never close the blinds on that window. The tree is always visible for all to see. One of our neighbors told us that during Christmas time he often walks by our house at night so he can appreciate our big tree. Many people display their trees in a similar manner, so that as you pass through a neighborhood you can see into the houses and enjoy each family's decorated tree.

This phenomenon reminds me of Jesus' words in Matthew 5:14 & 15." You are the light of the world.A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. " Jesus , the light of the world, cannot be hidden. And the trees we decorate to commerate his birth, we exhibit to all who pass by, their lights glowing and beckoning us to come and adore Him.

The Lights of Christmas: Snow Light

For many of us, snow is closely associated with Christmas. I grew up in a locale where snow in December was common. I would feverently hope for fresh snow on Christmas Eve and not just for Santa and his sleigh either. I wanted it to snow because it made everything so beautiful. Snow softens harsh lines, covers up ugliness and transforms it into things of beauty. It changes the sounds of things too. It muffles some noises, but seems to magnify voices calling to one another.Snowy weather adds new sounds to soundtrack of life like the scrape of the snow shovel clearing walks or driveways and the chug of cars with chains rumbling along the streets.

Even today, as an adult, I still get excited about the snow. The inconviences , dangers, challenges and extra work it brings can't stop me from enjoying snowy days and especially snow light. Sun shine and snow produce the most dazzling light I know. Everything is brighter, and everything sparkles. Snow and clouds produce a unique light too. Snow lightens the gloom of heavy cloud cover. Snow clouds appear silver and pink to me as they reflect the electric lights of my community. And a snowy night, whether snow is falling or just on the ground, is never as dark as any other, for the crystals in the snow catch and reflect any glimmer of light available.

All these things that I love about the snow, all the ways it changes the world remind me of the passage from Isaiah where he tells us that "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow."(Isaiah 1:18). When Jesus was born he brought us the opportunity to be transformed like the snow transforms the world and the ability to be reflecters of His light and His glory.

Christmas Lights: Candles

I love burning candles at Christmas time. Especially scented ones. Several years ago my sister sent me some mulberry scented candles which have the best fragrance. They are almost gone and I have begun looking for some similar ones to replace them. I would like to keep smelling that fragrance. Its a nice combination of sweet and outdoorsy at the same time.

Candles are easily associated with Christmas. However, two other religious holidays in December have lighting candles as part of the celebration too. Maybe its because this is the darkest time of the year. Candles shining in the darkness remind me both of the words of Isaiah and of the conditions in the stable.Probably the only light that Mary and Joseph would have had was lamp light which is very similar to candlelight.Some people talk about their children as being"the light of their life." Jesus truly was,and not just for Mary and Joseph but for all of us and the Father too.

Scripture tells us that "God sent his only begotten son"( John 3 :16)and that He was well pleased with him. Jesus is the beloved of the Father and the Spirit. He is ( and I don't really have any idea how literally to take this) the light of their life. Isaiah called him the Light shining in the darkness. When I see a candle burning at night, overcoming darkness with a single flame, I am reminded of Jesus, and my call to be like him, a beautiful light in the midst of the darkness of a sin filled world.